But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Girls should come with a carfax report
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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