Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
