Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
