Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
