Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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