Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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