Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
