YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
