Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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