Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
