Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
