things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
