im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
