I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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