Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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