I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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