My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
