you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize