my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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