Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
