love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
