Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
