white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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