Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
