Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
