Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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