How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
