I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize