i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
