He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
