Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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