i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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