Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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