yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
