So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
