Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
