remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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