That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
