I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
