ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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