Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
