sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize