I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
