i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
