I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
