Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize