im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
