I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
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