she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
