the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Sober January is a disaster.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
