benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize