Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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