Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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