You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
