super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
