Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
And then he peed in my hair
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