Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
