Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
