he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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