Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
