Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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