I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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