dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize