i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
