Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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