I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
