You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
