why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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