So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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