So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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