Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
