yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
